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 Jokes or funny stories!!

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes or funny stories!!   Tue Mar 11, 2008 9:26 pm

A torrets sufferer goes for a job interview as a pianist at a hotel bar
"I've come about the f'in b'stard job ya fat c*nt", he said to the manager
The manager is stunned but as he has had no other applicants decides to give the guy a go and asks him to play some music. The man starts playing the most amazing sweet sound.
"Whats that called?" asked the manager
"I wrote it myself", started the man, "it's called 'go f*k ya muva'"
The manager is lost for words so the man starts to play again.
"Whats this one called?" asked the manager
"I wrote this too", started the man, "it's called 'I sh*gged ya sister an ya f'in aunt'"
The manager is white with stress, but has no choice but to employ the man
"I'll give you the job", he started, "But you must promise NOT to talk to any of the punters"
The man agrees and that night he sits at the piano and plays.
After about 10 minutes the room starts to fill up, then a stunning young woman walks in and sits right in his line of sight. She has a low cut top and he can see right up her skirt.
After about 5 minutes of gazing at the woman he decides enough is enough and rushes out to the gents for a quick "barclays".
Seeing his bar fill up and no music playing the manager goes looking for the pianist. Bursting into the gents he screams for the man to get back on stage.
The pianist rushes back out on stage, but in the rush, forgets to put his bits away.
He starts playing again and after just a few minutes he notices the woman gazing deeply at him constantly. For about 10 minutes her eyes are fixed on him.
Eventually she went over to the pianist and in a soft voice she said, "Do you know your kn*b is hanging out and you got sp*nk running down your trouser leg?"
"Know em?", started the pianist, "I f'in wrote em!"

Happy dance
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes or funny stories!!   Wed Mar 12, 2008 5:46 am

Great New. You can now get Viagra tea bags from Tesco Lotus. They dont help your sex life but your biscuits dont go soggy
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes or funny stories!!   Wed Mar 12, 2008 8:40 am

Only ever tried viagra once....... the pill got stuck in my throat and I had a stiff neck for 3 days
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes or funny stories!!   Wed Mar 12, 2008 8:43 am

Just read this on yahoo news:

MANCHESTER (Reuters) - The head of one of Britain's biggest police forces was found dead at a beauty spot in north Wales on Tuesday, police said.

This is the link if you don't believe me: Click Here

Firstly, I thought beauty spots were found on parts of the body, not the other way around.
2nd, Why was only his head dead? Where is the body and what it is doing?
Surely the rest of the body would be a key suspect in such a case.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes or funny stories!!   Wed Mar 12, 2008 11:10 am

Two gays living together. One works and the other takes care of the house. One morning the worker came downstairs to see his boyfriend masturbating into a condom.
"What are you doing?" the worker shouted.
"I'm packing your lunch!" was the reply.

Boom boom!

Beach
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